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I ran across this today while reading ( and laughing) at Cracked.com. Thought you all might get a laugh out of it. It's from a feature called "10 Things They Didn't Teach You In School.

 

".............

 

We're calling this course "Practical Self-Defense" but a more accurate title would be, "How To Get Away From Somebody Who is Trying to Mug or Rape You." Yes, "Get Away." Some of you guys who grew up on The Matrix still fantasize about beating the bad word out of a street full of thugs in a fight that looks like a choreographed dance. This class will not teach you how to do that. No class will teach you how to do that.

 

 

Will not happen.

 

Oh, there are guys out there capable of kicking ass. They're called criminals. They're good at fighting because they have poor impulse control and anger management, and thus are constantly getting into fights. If you, on the other hand, are going to be civilized and successful parents and homeowners and taxpayers, the odds are overwhelming you will not ever be good at fighting. This fact is thus reflected in our curriculum.

 

Chapters Include:

 

I. Why Your Wallet is Not Worth Dying For;

II. Why Guns and Knives Are Not Awesome (Includes Visual Aids Depicting Wounds of Gnarled Strips of Exposed Fat, Tendons and Skin, Plus Graphic Descriptions of Life in a Wheelchair);

III. How to Break Off an Argument With a Hobo Before He Stabs You;

IV. Why You Can't Reason With a Screaming Drunk;

V. Why Believing Action Movies Are Real Will Get You Killed;

VI. How to Tell When That Guy Walking Toward You is Concealing a Weapon.

 

 

With visual aids supplied by the NYPD. "

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